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Wednesday, June 29, 2005
No Tears!... but I'm crying inside again.
I wake up this morning with a heavy heart,
Wondering why am I feeling this way that I am so sad.
*No Tears!... but i'm crying inside again,
And it only hurts when i'm breathing.
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die, when i'm dreamin
So, I hold my breath - to - forget.
Asking myself.. what did I do this time?
Do I ready deserve that? from keep torturing my heart?
This time it really hurt and I am crying inside but no tears.
Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks my heart when it's beating
All my dreams die now, when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe..
I cry day and night, and cry to fall sleep
I went to the place that I day dream a lot,
In my *river of doubts* to cry some more.
I even asked my un seen *Guardian Angel*
Why me? what did I do wrong?
When I stop crying inside with no tears,
and sob with my heavry heart,
rubbing my chest saying..
" it only hurts when I'm breathing "
cause I'm here sitting alone.
*No Tears!.. but I'm crying inside again*
written by: Cassandra Jane Satak
Time: 7:51 a.m.
Date: June 29, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
The Greatest Reward
So suddenly, so strange
Life wakes you up, things change
I've done my best, I've served my call
I thought I had it all
So suddenly, so strong
My prejudice was gone
You needed me, I found my place
I'm there for now, these days
Now the greatest reward
Is the light in your eyes
The sound of your voice
And the touch of your hand
You made me who I am
You trusted me to grow
I gave my heart to show
There's nothing else I cherish more
I stand by you for sure
Now the greatest reward
Is the love that I can give
I'm here for you now
For as long as I live
You made me who I am
So suddenly, it's clear to me
Things change
Our future lies in here and now
We live it through somehow
Now the greatest reward
Is the love that I can give
I'm here for you now
For as long as I live
You made me who I am
You made me who I am
celebs
Friday, April 29, 2005
" Poems no more !! "
I' m sitting on the chair,
With my pen and paper..
Looking at the window,
And my mind is so empty..
I can't think of something,
To inspired me to write..
Because I was so broken
hearted, real deep inside..
What's wrong with me?.. I asked,
I' m good at this writing poems..
Since I was a child, writing Poems is my fashions,
And Love one is my inspiration...
Tic-tac.. tic-tac.. sounds of a clock,
little bit of sweet music and sound of my heart beat..
But still I can't come up with something,
To write in my Poems !...
What's wrong with me?.. again I asked,
All my inspirations are fading, same us
my love ones.. one-by-one vanished into a thin air..
I write a poem to my adoring elder sister,
a poems to my sweet and loving friends..
a poem to my wonderful son,
and a poem to my handsome husband..
I want to write a poems, for the last time
and this one for myself, I said..
But my heart was screaming and dictate,
Enough !!.. enough.. *Poems no more*..
Put the pen's down and fold that paper,
*Poems no more*, just give it a break
and let your * Broken heart* have some rest...
written by : Cassandra Jane Satak
Date: April 29, 2005
Time: 1:18 p.m.
Last words: * my heart is tired writing*..
.
views in life: * my book of life is Closed*..
Friday, March 25, 2005
I LOVE You.. 'till Eternity
ate cass here's my poem for you...sana you liked it...
thanks for the poem you dedicated to me... :D
"The Friend I Couldn't See "
how do i let go of something special
how do i let go of someone so true
tell me my dear friend
teach me how to deal with what i will have
i couldn't see you
but you're simply there
i couldn't hear you
but you simply care
i've been through the half journey of my life
met people and made friends
but not one of them was like you
someone who's so far away but has made a friend of me
they say everyone comes to your life for
a reason, season and purpose
i look at you and i wonder which one you are
but you simply proved that you stand for all
how do i tell you now that you mean so much
that i care for you with all my heart
how will i show you i am your friend
if we are on both sides of the world?
you've made me cry when people were hurting you
then another set of tears when you told me what you had but the last thing you told me, i simply understand
that you needed my support more than my tears that fall down
i want to come see you and just hug you tenderly
i want to thank you for appreciating me
i believe so much that you're a God sent gift
'coz you've made so much difference in the short time we've met
you are a friend i know i can't see
just like an angel you're there for me
i just hoped other people could really see
what a precious kind of friend you could always be
how how do i let go of someone like you
whom i've never seen but made good friends all along
how do i go on after you'll be gone
if when i see my poems i'll remember your words?
but maybe letting go isn't the right thing to do
you've been very nice and wonderful that i really can't let you go
when the time comes that you have to go
i simply would keep you in my heart and pray:
"if there is a next life please Lord i ask,
give this friend of mine friends who are true and loyal.
Friends who'll stand by her no matter what
and let her meet people who won't betray her trust."
forever you and i will be friends
two women from both sides of the world
bound together by a friendship started in the internet
and will definitely exceed eternity...
i love you ate cass!!!!!
MWAH!!!! :)
by:
Catherine " renren " Sertimo
October 2, 2004
" Renren "
A name I call I didn't know.
But It does exist
Because my heart say so!.
I call her name again, and again.
and my heart said that she is renren
a "Real Friend"
I read her cards I read her notes
my tears, roll down down on my face.
Here goes again.. I said Renren!
are you for real
my " Real Friend ?"
If it is true my heart say so.
one thing my "Fears"
is not to lost
***~YOU~ ****
Lovingly dedicated to:
Catherine "renren" Sertimo
author and written by:
Ate Cassandra with Love
Date: July 10, 2004
This poem is so *Special* and it belongs here.. * Where my heart is *
a poem from YM conversations
here's a poem i came up with from my conversation with my dear Ate Cass...last night...
Words to Ease Your Hurting Heart
I miss you
I love you
I love you so much
Why is it that you're so far?
I can't see you but you'll always be in my heart
To express this feeling I don't even want to part
It's hard to make people forget you when you've played a big part
Departure…departing…god I hate those words
Who wouldn't…it tells too much
It breaks your heart and makes you cry
I can't even say a simple word that will make my heart whole
I have to force myself to say goodbye
Secretly hoping it never ends
This time we have less to share
Whatever you do It all stays the same…
Goodbye and departure All leads to one single thing…parting
They all say you gotta face what's happening…
But I guess things are really easier said than done
Don't worry it's just the physical
You still have your heart…and that's all that matters
When you're feeling so torn apart
People come in and out of our lives
Those who leave? Some explain and some don't even care
They make you feel you're special but only after a while
You're just going to find yourself…alone and not all right
But someone or some people will come along
Making you feel that you always belonged
They'll never leave you
Though in a hundred years or more…
I will stay by you Though we're miles apart
You will always have my heart
And my prayers wherever you are
I will be your friend who'll love you through
I will see your smiles through every yellow rose
I will carry you in my heart…that's all I know
Coz my hand…(though you can't see) will always be for you to hold.
-October 20,2001
by Renren
for my dear Ate Cass
Posted at 06:56 am by renren
" Answer's to your Poems "
My ever dearest Renren
You will see me gone, but not
looking to my eyes..
"Only you can see me gone.
just to feel it thru your heart"..
Departure…departing. those words
I really hate, just to say " Goodbye"
those words, belong to me.
You will see my presence
In somebody's hand If you see a * Yellow roses*
I just say, * hellooow !*
my dearest friend...
"by: Ate cass
for my dear renren
posted at 10:45 a.m. Washington,time
October 20,2004
*Friend*
*renren*
*AnnaMikaela*
*Lov3ly*
*Clarisse*
*Shari*
*AIZA*
*DoRkEyShErYl*
*Kristina_16*
*middle sis_nadine*
*babysis_wenaH!?*
*Inday_garuts*
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Short Story... " The Field of White Roses "
SHORT STORY
This is a short story i've wriiten 2 years ago when i was so depressed because someone walked out of my life without leaving me a word or two. But nowi think this has altered in its meaning or it simply depends on what situation the people who are reading it are in. i hope you my dear visitors would get to like it. Thanks!
The Field of White Roses
You and I, all these time, we were walking through the widest field of white roses. Every day, we walk and run together. We decided that after we travel through the field of white roses, we will go on and travel together to the desert before us. But one day, you took off ahead of me…I didn’t know you had planned to travel alone without me. I went after you, running as fast as I could, running with a worried and wondering heart. When at last I made it to the desert, there you were,
walking all alone. I know it would not be impossible for me to catch up with you if I just kept on running and kept my mouth shut. I called out to you and asked you to wait for me, but when I started to run, you started to run too, away from me. You were running as fast as you can, it seemed like you were trying to get away from me. It seemed like night and day had passed by a thousand times, but still we kept on running, I kept on running after you in this vast desert. While we were running I noticed that you did not turn your head to see if I was catching up with you. I was trying to reach you, I called your name over and over again, but you didn’t seem to hear me at all. And along the way, I stumbled and fell. My whole body was aching and it was hard for me to get up, but I never took my eyes off you. Just then, it occurred to me that you were already so far away. You kept on running, then you stopped and looked at me…you just looked at me. I was lying down there, looking at you. Then you turned your back on me and started to run again. I quickly gathered all my strength to get up and started to run after you, but while I was running I began to notice that I was running after no one
anymore. I was no longer running after you because you were already gone. I began to rub my eyes, hoping I was just dreaming. I looked around, but you were nowhere to be found. But I did not lose hope. I continued to run and run, and run. The whole desert was in silence…it was getting dark. I reached the end of the desert, I know, for I saw the ocean before me. Was it the ocean, or were it only the tears that filled the windows of my soul? I turned around and looked at the whole desert. Where are you? Why have you left me all alone in this desert? I’ve traveled this far just to be with you. Yes! Your footsteps, they could lead me to you! But where are they? All the footsteps ended right where I stand now. Where are your traces? Could it be that you traveled with the North Wind, that’s why I wasn’t able to catch up with you? I started to walk back, with my own footsteps leading me back to the field of white roses. The sun didn’t show itself while I was walking back, even Mr. Moon was gone, it had become so dark in the desert. The starts couldn’t glow any brighter…I wondered why. Suddenly, a circle of light surrounded me, it was like a spotlight. I looked up and saw a tiny star just above my head, it was crying and my hair was wet from its tears. I began to ask: “Why are you crying little star? What are you doing there above my head?” the star answered me, her tears still dripping. “The sun, the moon and all the stars are crying for you.” “For me? But why?” “Because we know you’re sad. The person you love is gone, left you all alone in this desert. We’ve seen it all” said the little star. “Oh little star! Stop crying! Look at me, I cry too about what happened but I’m going back to the field of white roses with hope in my heart that the person I’m looking for is there.” I explained. The little star eventually stopped crying. I was glad that I was able to share my hopes with this star. She told me that she was lighting my way back to the field of white roses. It was sunny on the field of white roses, so the little star bid me farewell and went back to the desert. It was a wide field and having traveled so far, I was thirsty. So I walked over to the fountain at the heart of the field. I must have fallen asleep, because when I
opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the clear blue sky. Then I saw a huge ray of white light at the other end of the field. I rose to see what it was. When I came near it, I heard a flutter of wings and there before me stood a beautiful archangel with purple wings. You were this angel, that’s when I realized that you were running all along to find him, to be in this angel’s arms, to be in the arms of someone you now love. I wasn’t strong enough to stand a bit longer, so I sat down and started to stare at the two of you. I can see you were very happy. You walked towards me and knelt before me. I was staring right into your eyes, and then I saw that your eyes were trying to tell me something…it was trying to say GOODBYE! You held my hand and looked into my eyes, and then you kissed me on the forehead, then you walked away and stood beside the purple-winged angel. He lifted you up. As I looked up, I saw the gate of heaven open up for the two of you. You started to spread your wings, your feather-white wings. I could fly after you if I wanted to, my sky blue wings were just waiting for me to spread it, but there’s nothing I can do. The ocean of tears was once before my eyes as I waved goodbye. The gate closed…the light faded…you were gone. I couldn’t quite understand why you left or what I did for you to go. Suddenly I stood up to see a blue robin flying over me. I looked around with amazement. What happened? The whole field turned to blue, the roses turned to blue. “The roses are sad for you. The whole field is sad for you.” Chirped the blue robin. “I’m sorry dear robin. I’m sorry my beautiful roses. You need not turn blue for me. You don’t have to be sad!” I decided to return to the desert. I spread my wings and took off. “Listen my dear roses, I will be gone to the desert. There I will wait. I shall come back with , my angel someday. The feather-white winged angel will come back. You just all have to believe. Goodbye my dear roses!” then I flew off to the desert.
As I left the field, I looked back. I was happy to see that little by little the field turned to white, I was glad to give our roses a speck of hope that someday you’ll come back. In the desert I have returned, and my little stars were still crying. They gathered around e as I took the little star that soaked my hair with tears, on my lap. Together with the stars, in the desert, I’ll be waiting for you! And
someday, we will walk together again in the field of white roses. ************ Someday, the feather-white winged angel will come back. She will come running back to the sky blue winged angel in the dark desert. When she comes back, the stars will stop crying, the sun and the moon’s tears will stop falling, once again there will be light in the desert and the roses in the field will be as white as ever. For as long as the sky blue winged angel believes…someday…the feather-white winged angel will come back!
Someday…
Someday…
Someday…
Written by:
Catherine “Renren” Sertimo
October 2001
Simply About Dear Ate Cass
I wrote this piece while my dear Ate Cass was asleep. I am talking here about the way i feel that she's in my life and the way others have treated her...good or bad, and how I will always see her even if we only knew each other through this cyber world.
To my dear Ate Cass, this piece is actually not enough to show you how special you have always been to me, and how much I will treasure the bond I have with you forever. I hope in many ways this piece will let people remember once again how wonderful a person you could always be. I love you with all my heart and I hope you stay as you are forever. Thank you for all the wonderful deeds, appreciation and encouragement.
The Big Sister I Looked After!
I don’t know how to start. I don’t have any idea it was this hard, to talk of someone you never see but is there and has made a lasting bond of friendship with.
I can’t clearly define what kind of place the internet is. Is it a place for the lonely ones? Or those who crave for attention or for people who just don’t have anything constructive to do with their lives?
I have started using the internet when my mom bought me a computer for my school work like three years ago. I had started to use the internet for researches and other stuffs.
Other stuffs? That’s searching information on my favorite things and people.
I am not one of those star-struck people but I do have enough reason why I like certain celebrities…mostly Asian. I started to search for infos about them and later found myself interacting with fans from all over the world.
I have been posting at the message board a long time before Ate Cass and I started to notice each other. Before, I would read her posts to the others and think if she ever notice another fan in me.
We were both Michelle Yeoh fans, and after a long time she finally asked me her first question if I was among those girl fans from the Philippines whom she knew, she is a Filipina herself. And from then on we began answering each other’s posts.
Through the times I have read and answered her posts I have felt how good a person she is.
Along with Dean she would praise me for the things that I write and share with them. She appreciated all the articles I’ve written about Michelle including the artworks I made.
She has been very vocal about her appreciation of my craft and even said before that she finds herself in me, because she too, loved writing.
As time went by, Ate Cass and I became closer through the net and as long as I can go online I watch out for her messages and whenever I have enough time I find it in my heart to send her an e-card or two.
Her life as a fan wasn’t at all easy. I always praised the fans for being so warm and friendly…but just a little something… just had to take that reputation away from them.
Okay, I’ve only been really close to the Filipina fans and Dean and I have earned from the others the appreciation for my article about Silver Hawk. I was too disillusioned after all that had happened.
I was gone for like a month from the cyber world because I was so busy with school, when I got back I was shocked to find out that there was a conflict going on among the fans, especially between Ate Cass and Dean.
I found out soon what it was and finally decided what to do and what to stand for.
It pained me to see that almost everyone was turning their backs on Ate Cass…she who have treated them all as sisters and true friends. Just because she had to say what she really felt…she lost a lot of people whom she had been dealing and sharing thoughts with for a long time.
They have known her longer that I do…and they managed to pull her out of her system.
I understand both sides that’s why I just shut up when they talk about it…but the fact that they keep calling my dear Ate Cass names she’s not worthy of…makes me grit my teeth and clench my fist in anger.
I don’t like trouble so I just tell them to stop it and find things that really concerns them.
I wanted to shout straight at the faces of those people who curse her and tell them that Ate Cass is not hungry for publicity among the fans…but since Ate Cass told me not to join in the feud…I didn’t.
I have kept my friendship with her across the miles, and I have grown to love her like an elder sister.
Whenever I catch her at the Yahoo Messenger…I let her talk because I know she needs someone to listen to her.
At her time in life right now, she doesn’t need people who curse her or ask her how to face things in their lives…all these time what she really needed was someone whom she can tell her grievances to, someone who will let her talk and just let her have her way.
I always cry at the thought of Ate Cass, feeling powerless and alone.
I cry when I read the poems she made for me.
I smile when I remember how wonderful a person she has always been.
I smile knowing I had made a true friend beyond the limits of the cyber world…beyond the net.
And someday I’m going to come up to Michelle Yeoh and tell her how great a fan Ate Cass has been and tell all those people who turned their backs on her…that they just lost the most honest and wonderful friend they could ever have…they have lost a gem among their lives.
This piece written by:
Catherine "Renren" Sertimo
for my dear Ate Cass
Posted at 09:38 am
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
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